Sticky Sweet

My husband decided to address a few things that have been bothering him and laid down the law so to speak. In theory I agree with what he said... "Be respectful, don't demean or disrespect him especially in front of our kid, and don't be demanding. Of course I agree with that!  Obviously...duh.  No I didn't actually say that.

He told me that he expected me to have a sweet tone especially when addressing him in front of or at the same time as kiddo AND he would be watching it closely. The problem came when he started giving examples that I didn't agree with...I don't know... I just find it hard to give in when he is listing examples of my "misdeeds", even when I know I am already getting spanked or even that it's true. I tend to want to justify my behavior off of his behavior. He decided to tenderize me a bit first then try speaking to me again.  I guess I listened a little better. Then he finished up on my backside to let me know he meant it.

So the sweetness test came early this morning. We all got up late which meant I had to get kiddo ready really fast. My little one was pretty easy and I put a lunch and breakfast together for DH so he could get out the door quick too. In fact I was kind of proud of myself for getting all this done in 20 minutes. I quickly became annoyed though when I realized that DH was on computer not doing anything super important. It seems they are always late and last year he liked to blame it on me. So I decided this year it wasn't going to be my fault if they were late. I have done a really great job of helping everyone get ready in the morning. So out saunters my husband and proclaims its time to go. I think the sweet Lucy just went out the door to go get donuts.  He asks me where kiddo is and I reply oh so slightly surly " back there somewhere". I surely didn't glare at him! Nope not me. He had started to go after the munchkin who was searching for an after school toy for mommy to bring in the car but instead came right back to me and told me to try again. I know, I know, I should have given in and been sweet but its just so hard early in the morning! I just couldn't. Sweet words could not exit my lips. I need some kind of Stormy clause...I don't have to be sweet until they have left the house for the morning! LOL  He basically got the same song different verse version of " kid is back there somewhere". He gave me the look and I know I am sunk. The thing is ... I used to be so sweet. LOL What happened.

Well after my two guys actually left the building it started to sink in.Our sermon from Sunday came to mind.
Bitterness deprives, Anxiety distracts, and Resentment opens the door to larger, uglier things. If we don't put away resentment and refuse those feelings then they can turn to Hatred and Malice... the big guns. Aw shoot. I was being resentful at my husband. The husband who works hard at his job that he hates everyday so I can stay home and be with our kid. I guess its not so much for me to help him get ready when he does so much for us. I shouldn't resent him because we both do things for each other.
 Now SurlyMe is mad at SweetMe for remembering this truth.

  Go away Sweetme because Surlyme wants to be mad. Shoot I can't. It's a sticky business but Sweetme wins... this time.

I know many of my readers may not have Christian beliefs but I'm going to tell you what I intend to do as a stone of remembrance for me ...I'm going to ask God to help me put my resentment away, make a choice to refuse my resentful feelings, forgive him for not using his time wisely( I NEVER DO THAT), and do something good to him. Perhaps I will choose to happily do the same thing for him tomorrow and not get mad next time about serving my husband. We'll see how that goes in the morning. LOL  That was so sweet it was sickening...don't worry SurlyMe will probably be back before nightfall. This being mortal thing is sticky sweet. 

I think I'll be so sweet he won't want another bite!

Mile Markers

I meant to post this a LONG time ago and forgot I even wrote it. Here ya go.

We've had a few mile markers of our own concerning the dd lifestyle but that is not what this post is about.

My son turned 5 and we gave him a Lorax party, it was great fun. We had truffula trees, lorax cake, and even little barbaloots. ;-)

 We have been stressed to the max with life and bills etc etc. but we just put a pause on all that and decided to enjoy the little guy God gave us. We had loads of fun. My neck went bad on me and I wasn't able to do all the things I wanted to do with him, like jump on the bouncy house but the sound of laughter from the little guy and his dad covered over that. It really is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear.

We think 5  years old is a real mile marker for a little guy and treated it as such. He really is a good little boy and we wanted him to know it. Daddy made him a bow and arrow out of PVC pipe. Don't worry, it was decked out in the way it should be for a little guy with twine instead of wire and dull tips. We will also keep the arrows locked up with us and he can only use the bow with daddy. The really cool part was when DH sat him down and told him how proud we are of him and how he is getting bigger with more responsibilities and more privileges. Then he talked about how things used to be and that he would first be a lad.. then a squire...then a knight. OR something like that.... lol


So now he was a lad and he would get to learn to use a bow with daddy. The proud and excited look in his face was something to behold. He really listened to all the instructions as DH taught him to use it. I think he will  never forget his party and those special moments he had with us.

 It's good to stop and enjoy the blessings we already have.

Fixing Fences

A few weeks ago my husband got bit by our neighbor's dog. No stitches but a pretty deep chomp. The dogs had been loose off n on over the last 2 years. They said they would fix the fence but they seemed to always get out. One dog was big but a typically kind breed and the other one was a small yappy dog. There have been many days where the dogs were out that I would  to drive to the mail box with kiddo to make sure we were safe. Inside my head was this nagging voice that I was being overprotective and that the dogs were fine and would leave us alone, luckily I listened to me.

So One Fine saturDay, we set out to clean all our crap out of the garage so we won't turn into the hoarders you see on TV or with a big bill at a storage unit to store STUFF.

 All I know is the paddles would be first to go in there... in the very back. LOL

Anywho, the little dog came over and he is the one I usually worry about since he has such an attitude and doesn't go home when you yell at him. So Ricky wanting to be able to work in our own front driveway with our son  shooed him back to his yard and rang doorbell and backed up. Then the owner opened the door and up came Cujo from his spot in the front yard.

 Ricky thought he would stop if he yelled at him but he just came full force and knocked him over. My DH was punching him in the head and doing anything he could do to get him off of himself even while the owner was trying to pull him off. I missed all of this. I still feel bad that I heard a dog bark and didn't think much of it and my poor DH was trying to fend off this dog.

The owner took the dog to quarantine right away. We went to ER and got DH a Tetanus shot ( I tried to get the doc to give it to him in the butt...lol jk). Crazy dog days.

We have a neighbor of good will but was just negligent on their fence. She was very ready to pay for the bills and do what she should. In the end she was crying and very sorry and was frustrated that she couldn't keep her dogs in. She was so afraid that everyone on our street would hate her. We told her we didn't hate her and were glad that she was so quick to take care of things.  We were also sorry she and her kids had to lose her dog. Turns out the dog has had other problems chasing kids in neighborhood. Guess my motherly intuition was right. I feel sick every time I think that it could have been my kid or some other small kid on our street. I am sorry for my DH but very grateful it was him instead of a child. She also shared with us that she is in the middle of a divorce which could explain the lack of fence repairs. She and her almost x both seemed like great people and I was sad for them.  We may just make a friend out of this and be able to be a friend to her.

 I have had minimal consequences the last few months due to so many unforeseen reasons...like dog bites. Seems our own fences are breaking down a bit, a hole here and there. Just small enough to make you think everything is ok...that's when disaster comes.  Ricky is ready to fix the fence and "board it up".  I think when my little yappy dog got out last night and disrespected him in front of our 5 year old he decided it was time to do a few home repairs.

 So tonight I expect we will mend a few fences.

 He's the only wood worker around here.

 Aaaah, oh well, I guess it's better to repair the small holes rather than have the whole fence break down and let the big dogs out.

Sooo not me, but funny. :-)

Gimp and Grace

Over these last few weeks I have been hacking away. My allergies turned into a cough and that cough has lasted so long it seems more like asthma. I found my old inhaler for last year's cough and put it to use and it seems to be helping, but for like 3 weeks I haven't gotten much rest because even the nights were filled with coughing. I had certainly earned at least 3 serious sessions in the closet but there is no way my dh would spank me and flare up my cough. Unfortunately Fortunately my coughing days are  nearing over and so is my period of grace. Although my neck tweaked really bad to the point it hurts to turn it at all, ( old sports injuries) so grace is extended for me " little gimp". I will get better eventually and he will surely take full advantage of my physical health to remind me what a healthy relationship looks like.
Gimp

Finding Mick

Hey there. I bet most of you know already but one of my most favorite dd blogs has moved to a new blog. Husbandly touch can now be found at

Mick and Lynda's Place  

 

Be sure to go see him there. He has such a balanced and real approach in my opinion.

 

MIA

Hi Everyone!
I can't believe we had just gotten started and then we went MIA already.  I'm sorry. I am hoping we can get back to reading your blogs and writing on ours. We both have new small businesses on the side, lots of doctor appointments for me with thyroid stuff, and just a lot of stress with Ricky's current job. Sorry for all these lame excuses... and last but not least allergies that are kicking ALL of us in the butt. Pun intended.

So that last post was from like 3 weeks ago and I know I was going to do some editing but have no idea what it was now.

Oh yes, dh wrote his 2nd part but was so tired he just deleted it. It just wasn't communicating what he wanted.

Hopefull we will get back into the swing of things.  eek

Lucy

Meltdown

Wonder where I have been. Here is a good picture...

                                          you can guess what's happening on the other end.

Sorry I have been so slow to get a new post up, it surely didn't mean that we have it all together and that I have matured to the point where I didn't need very many sessions in the closet. Not exactly.

In fact, I have had 3 this week...I think. Its been a rough week and its hard to keep track lol.

 Would you believe that right as I sat here writing those first two sentences I got taken to the closet? Well believe it, because I am now sitting on a red hot bum as I type this. That story later, first things first.

Ok so I hope you all don't think I am a TOTAL basketcase after you hear this story cause truly I am only part of one. LOL  I had a good go of it for a while but alas the side of me that is more like the  emotional TV character Lucy took over -- so I got my backside turned over.  Stupid ole Lucy got me in trouble. Lucy, Lucy, Lucy....

Round 1

Sooo...where to begin? Oh yah, found out about changes in dh job and handled it very well for a day or two so I could be strong for him when he needed me to be but apparently I stuffed it because the anxiety was building on the inside.  A few more stressful situations and my old problem of anxiety really started spiraling. I know that my hormones,  girl stuff, and my thyroid had something to do with it (and we are working on those) but I really began to spiral. I feel fine now but last week I was just trying to function.

The anxiety I was feeling was coming out by sometimes yelling or being snippy, and generally just tired of everything. We had home group with our church to go to on Wednesday night but I knew since it was the first night that dh would really want to go so I was trying to keep it together.  Every noise was driving me crazy and I was on total sensory overload. I made it through though and back home but not without earning some closet time. I was already in trouble for  yelling, swearing, and mumbling to myself instead of communicating. He was spanking away for that when he said "AND about the Bible study" and I was like WHAT? What did I do? Turns out as they were talking about schedules and all the things coming up I was sighing and moaning LOUDLY. Honestly, I didn't even know that I was. I thought I was just feeling stress inside about all the things to do. I was totally unaware of my outward antics. Though I have always been an open book and can't hide anything from my face. So he paddled me good for disrupting and probably discouraging the leader. I felt mortified that I had done that. I did call and talk to the wife and apologized ( of my own volition) and she said she didn't even notice and that her husband probably didn't either. URK ALL THAT FOR NOTHING.  Course I know he was right and I will be more careful in the future but it was all soooo embarrassing.  Our church has a motto : " you mess up you clean up"  then we forgiv eand move on and our church has had a great deal of peace. 

Well I may have acted a little nuts this week or so but my friend told me that "crazy people don't apologize" they just keep going. Phew, that was encouraging to know that I hadn't completely flipped my lid.


Round 2 
So I was coming down from my anxiety snippy week of hell for everyone around me and here comes crazy Lucy again.  Would ya just give this red head a cup of calming tea and call it a night!?

 We had just gotten home from a birthday party but blood sugar was crashing from hunger and I was trying to lots of things at once to get kiddo in bed.  I had started food for me and dh, started bath for kiddo, laundry into dryer, etc etc.  I just had to get something to eat. This is when dh walks in and asks me for advil...poor Ricky he didn't know what hit him...I told him I didn't know and wasn't looking for it. (He wasn't actually asking me to) but I got all crazy defensive and it turned into me being defensive about not losing it for him. BTW IT WAS IN THE FREAKIN MEDICINE CABINET....

I was already in trouble for stomping and mumbling ok and swearing like the not good church girl that I am and I was just adding to it. He asked me if I was just letting go becuase I was already in trouble.. I really wasn't but it was fairly unreasonable how I responded to such a small stress.

So he did let me have it and made it clear that I should be able to say to him "sorry honey but I really have to get something to eat right now and I can't look for that for you".  He is right. URK


Round 3

I made a choice I guess. We had decided that I needed to exercise regularly, not a ton becuase I was just getting back into it but twice a week in part to help my anxiety and because I have exercised most of my life that I needed to get back in the habit.  I just didn't go today. I just really didn't want to. I wanted to catch up on laundry and the house and clean up all that was stressing me out. I did a good job but I didn't do what we agreed on. I knew that I might be able to go at  night but it was hit and miss if we could make it in time and we didn't. We also had another discussion about that home group and I rolled my eyes a few times. To the closet I go...hence the one I got when I just started this post.  I need the accountability right now to do what I want to do for myself.  I think maybe some of my natural tendencies towards stress and anxiety were dealt with during my younger years with exercise... like 30 hours a week. I was a serious athlete. Now I am a serious mom and its all I can do to make it twice a week. Unfortunately,  Lucky for me I have a husband who will help me when I can't help myself.

For me stress and anxiety may be partly due to thyroid problem and other things like vitamin deficiencies that can affect it but part if of my reaction to stress is just my emotional make up and I am glad that I have someone to help me keep it at bay. I am fun loving, tenacious, driven, but sometimes my anxiety has gotten the best of me. My husband knows its not gong away but helps me to keep it at bay.

RIght now I'm skimming through a book "natural relief for Anxiety".. not my only approach but there are a few things that make a lot of sense. It talks about how when your body hits that point of anxiety the "flight or fight" mode kicks in. "Remaining inactive in the face of this state of activation usually intensifies your symptoms".  THIS I UNDERSTAND.   The book suggests exercise as soon as anxiety hits and this is also why I think this is why maintance has been a very stupid unhelpful approach such a great help. I hate to admit it but it calms me down and helps me get persective.

So I am in bed, typing a post, and feeling very very calm.
There are OTHER forms of exercise you know.. good ones. I think that should be my most frequent therapy. LOL.

No More Mr. Nice Guy

My husband has always been a nice guy. What every girl wants right? 

Yah, he had that confident strong side that attracted me to him before we were married but it didn't take long before I life took a lot of that out of him.  I think he got to a point where he thought I would never see how disrespectful I was.  As much as he felt disrespected I felt unloved... I knew I was loved,  he showed me in many ways, but our communication abilities broke down amidst all our stress and we made each other feel disrespected and unloved.  He felt he deserved respect no matter what and I felt I deserved love no matter what. We were both right. If you have ever read the book "Love and Respect" you will recognize this as the "crazy cycle"... He feels disrespected so he acts unloving, she feels unloved so she acts disrespectful, and on and on it goes... until someone stops the madness.

                                                  


 I also realized that no matter how  he acted I was supposed to show respect to him, the rest would follow. I don't know how many times I have heard women say (myself included).."I just want my husband to lead", I realized one day that a man can't lead unless the woman first submits.

Honestly, I think its a common process in our culture today... a girl finally gets that Knight in shining armour she dreamed of  and then she wants him to leave his sword and armour with his momma. You don't need all that man stuff anyways, you can just be nice...Pretty soon the girl doesn't even  recognize the man she herself practically emasculated.

                                                               

                                                                 

I mean really, when you need a hero do you want the nice guy or the GOOD guy.
                                             

For me, I know what I want. I want the good guy, the one who will fight for our relationship and makes sure there is nothing between us. The one that commands respect by the love he shows. The guy who refuses to retreat into his man cave and instead faces our problems. The man who values the resolution over temporary peace.  The kind that won't fail to rebuke if necessary. I want that guy.

       I want MY  KNICE in SHINING ARMOUR.    













He isn't perfect and neither am I but our crazy cycles don't last as long as they used to and we get over things faster.



    So goodbye Mr. Nice Guy



                        Hello Good GUY.         









For more information on getting rid of that nice guy check out "No More Christian Nice Guy".

Our Story - From My Perspective (Part 1)

So I'm plodding along through post-modern life, when suddenly my wife blows up everything with a simple suggestion:

SPANK ME!  Please. ( her 3 pages condensed down to man-speak!)

     It seems that many of the stories we've read in the dd community share that common thread; that the wife has made the initial suggestion (and that the man became adept for quicker than she thought!  But we'll get to that in Part 2! ;-)


     After being married somewhere in the neighborhood of 7 years, having lots of ups and downs, we were beginning to experience some real crisis moments.  With frequency.  And intensity.  Mind you, we had plenty of wonderful times, with shared experiences we'll cherish forever.  But it felt like the distance between the rock and the hard place continued to shrink, leaving us both with no room to find solutions.

     I remember, after a particularly difficult evening shouting match, I went to bed utterly hopeless.  I suspect Lucy did as well.  Although I wouldn't know because we were precisely one million miles apart as we laid in bed.  As I laid there with my eyes closed, the walls of darkness were literally closing me in, and I couldn't shake the thought that nothing would ever get better, so I needed to get used to it.

     And then the next day, after nearly our biggest fight ever (there WAS one bigger, but we'll save that one for another time), she was particularly sweet, responsive, and attentive that evening.  Then when we headed to bed, only a half-million miles apart, she apologized.  For being disrespectful.  Not just for the previous evening, but ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE BEGINNING.  I cried. I laid there in the dark, sobbing tears of relief and confusion.  Did she mean it? Was this going to change everything?  Could I finally let down my guard a little?  DARE I HOPE?  Oh....CRAP....this means I have to face my own shortcomings if this is going to lead to resolution.

     Before you think "he thought it was all HER fault, and he was glad she finally realized it..." I'll just dispel that myth.  The previous evening was BY NO MEANS entirely her fault.  I was present in the room.  Well, sort of.  Perhaps that porch light was on...

     You see, again echoing so many others' stories on TTWD Boulevard, I had grown passive (/aggressive), non-present, and in near permanent "retreat mode."  Not surrender, but retreat.  That's worse than surrender.  Because it's quiet, and it lives on, to fight another day.  Seven or so years of increasing wrong-headedness was pushing me FAR away from how masculinity was designed.  Of course, I'm FULL of excuses of how this was all her fault.  However, that only serves to prove the very point (not taking responsibility).

     So that second evening she apologized, and the wheels started spinning.  Then the next day she presents with "the suggestion."  Actually, it was more of a request.  Not a demand, lol!  But she meant it.  So by the third day, I'm walking around work barely able to inhibit my subconscious from shouting "MY WIFE ASKED ME TO SPANK HER!!!!   WHAT THE *$@( DO I DO?????"  I had to function, walk, talk, focus, do math, calculate, pay attention to details, measure, perform... AND NOT SAY A WORD while I pondered... she wants me to spank her.  You know I WANT to Lord!  But what'll happen?  Will it actually  help?  What if someone finds out? Is she going to want this all the time? (little did I know! LOL!)

     I remember thinking (much to Lucy's dismay) I'm totally capable of doing this, I'm just not sure it's the right/best thing.  But I can sure do it.... and sleep just fine that night!

     Probably the funniest thing to me was asking her how in the world she came up with this idea... and hearing her reply {something to the effect of} "I saw it on google'..."  I nearly fell off the chair laughing, my mind filled with all the wild & wacky search results she must have gotten!

     Needless to say, we had our first session... and the rest is history!

Until Part 2....!

One big joke

Ok, so I like to laugh, but before you think this is one big joke to us let me tell you IT IS NOT.  While I have the ability to laugh at myself (and him) we take this very seriously. We are in such a different place than we were 3 years ago, but still have a looong way to go.  Honestly, I think it's more about the journey than arriving. I am glad I have a husband who full well knows that I will likely always struggle with certain things  FOREVER but doesn't mind the work of helping me keep them at bay anyways.  I mean we are who we are right? BUT that doesn't mean we just give into our tendencies and let them take over. I could just say I am easily stressed out but really I need to learn to handle the stress I feel and evaluate things differently. Somehow being over my husbands knee affords me that luxury of being able to see things differently. LOL

In the beginning of all this, I used to get spanked nearly everyday! With a baby who had sleeping issues, I was very sleep deprived with a very short circuit. I had a hard time controlling myself but through dd my husband helped me to see I could control more than I thought I could, even in a difficult time in my life.  It truly kept me from going overboard and not becoming someone that scared even me.

We've had ups and downs with this TTWD but even my best friend said that she has never seen anyone more consistent than my husband. (LUCKY ME) Or maybe I am just really consistent in my misbehavior. Hmmm ...Whatever, go away nasty thought...

Well, I am not sure when it happened but I don't get in trouble everyday anymore! Big props to me right?!LOL  I would say it's once a week to every two weeks, oh yay I'm practically angelic now. LOL

Happiness is... Ricky knowing he can do something to stop the madness, and I can relax that I'm not alone and he won't let me spin out of control. The knowledge of that alone can calm a girl down. I think it goes back to a fear of being out of control like mother was, no one could stop her.  I want to let people speak into my life, and who is better to do that than the closest person to me in the whole world who loves me more than anyone.

Sounds pretty great right? Well before it sounds too lofty you should know that we had the biggest argument last weekend... NOBODY WON. We both lost and nearly quit dd. There was so much emotion wrapped up in it I barely remember how it started.  We were both back to our old ways.  I screamed and lost my loving mind and he shut down and shut me out. Neither one of us liked it.  Somewhere in there he tried spanking me but I wouldnt' accept it and we were at another impasse.

Life morphs and does twisty turns and before we even know it, we've changed.  Somehow we managed to go to the Lake the next day and just have fun together, we talked things out like civilized people, and noted that dd took a few turns of its own and we needed to re-evaluate how we were using this tool. So we are back on track and I was back in the closet last night. :-(  It could have been worse, but he made his point that respect is required. Perhaps my son will get a proper example of what respect looks like after all.

I don't doubt my dh will do everything he can to assure it.

Just so ya know he doesn't just work on me.  I read him Stormy's post on distancing and he applied it to himself and actually asked me to write him a list of 5 ways he does that.  "YES, SIR.. I will obey that immediately SIR."

 I was so encouraged that he could see inside himself too and wants to improve in his communication to me too. I won't be taking him to the closet because that's not exactly how it works around here, but hey I will take what I can get. :-)

So for today, Peace reigns.

Did I tell you...

Did I tell you I nearly didn't get this blog off the ground? Things were going along smoothly and I was all excited and then we started having computer issues and I was getting more and more frustrated so I was also getting more and more snippy with my sweetie pie dh who had set this all up for me. lol ( Now you know why this blog is blue and gray and not PINK.)

Then my mean ole bear threatens me that if I don't knock it off my first post will be " Sorry, see you next week". URK The GALL!  So instead of  losing my connection with the outside world I decided to backtrack real quick and give poor Lucy a chance. Jeez sometimes you HOHes get so serious. Chilax!

Hey Ricky: Just kiddin babe, you were most gracious in your leniency. Can you see me curtsey in my most humble way?

There's nothing like accountability...

 

No Really, (eye roll) there's nothing like the kind of accountability you get when you  stupidly willingly sign up with a benevolent dictator, hand him a paddle, and ask him to help you with your weaknesses for the better of the marriage.  For better or for worse. Crap. Ya know those high ideals seem to get higher the farther in we get into ttwd.

I have had many different kinds of things he we focused on  since we began and I am grateful that the more accountability he gives me the higher standard he sets for himself.  I guess if I believe that he is head of home and God holds him accountable for what our family does it seems fair that he should have some say in it. That was Adam's problem, he didn't say anything. So as one of my favorite preachers on the topic said " Adam became the woman and Eve became the man and all hell broke loose".  Eve refused Adam's headship and Adam did what Eve should have done towards him, YIELD. I really believe that there is blessing in God's chain of command and this is one reason why I go kicking and screaming willingly to the closet.

I had a rude awakening today when I watched my 4 year old rebel for no good reason. I know I do that sometimes just because of pride and it hurts so much to lose control. I know I should give in, but alas I don't always do it without outside motivation. Then my favorite preacher on this topic had to scare the wits out of me when he reminded me that God NEVER responds to rebellion, just as I would never give into my child throwing a tantrum. (Crapx2) I know that I am much more pleased with my child when he follows the chain of command and I want to bless him, I am sure I can expect the same from God. Don't get me wrong I don't see myself as a child nor does my husband but if we want our home to have order and peace then there has to be some kind of order. We are equal in everyway but our functions that make our home run well are quite different. There can only be one head.

Also, just a little disclaimer here... while many reasons we do ttwd are rooted in our Christian belief system in no way do I think this is for everyone, nor do I think that the Bible teaches that the chain of command needs to be lived out this way. This is something we chose because we felt it would better our marriage and help us to live out our roles more effectively. It's just a tool and its a bummer I can't meet the ideals and face my own weaknesses without it, so I guess its good I have a man who is happy to help with that. I GUESS! LOL

So FOCUS SCHMOCUS... here are are a few things my dh has asked told me to focus on.

1. 1. Asking instead of telling ( "Who me? Never" !)
2. 2. Huffing and Stomping... OOOH "NO" Huffing and Stomping LOL( "Who me? Never" !)
3. 3. Obeying immediately ( "Who me? Never" !) hahah
4. 4.  And no pouting ( "Who me? Never" !)

Ok I swear these rules are for me and not my 4 year old. How embarrasing. :-)

A few of the oldies but goodies.

• NO Yelling
• No swearing while we are arguing having a discussion... this is a biggie. Not like I cuss him out or anything. ( "Who me? Never, Ever, Ever." !)
• Oh yah and remember my thyroid medicine. Since that doesn't affect my mood or anything.

So there ya go, a rambling post on accountability, preachers, and the rules I plan to break will never break.

WhoMelucygirl

So Much To Remember!

Amidst all the light-heartedness (and sometimes frustration) of finally setting up our blog, there's always "the things I ask her to remember..."

"Did you remember to take your medicine?"

      "umm.... yeah....?"

"On time?"

      "well... what were you saying dear?"

Uh-huh, I thought so!
 ~~~~~~~
"Dear, <smack> remember, <smack> I've asked you to RESPOND <smack>, not REACT <smack>!
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And, in real time, as I write this post... "Dear, REMEMBER, stop looking over my shoulder as I type!!!  Or there will be smacking!  You can look after I post, because I'm not asking for your editorial skills tonight."

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Blogging will never be finished.  Working will never be finished. And our Remembering should never be finished.

We're not here for politicking, or history lessons, and certainly not for "hate-mongering."  But I'll tell you, I'll NEVER forget the sight Manhattan through my airplane window in late October 2001.  And I'll NEVER forget the smell as we walked and prayed around the areas of rubble, workers hustling with exhausted resolve.  And I'll never forget walking around, talking to complete strangers (New Yorkers no less!  YANKEES!) who offered such openness, sincerity, connecting through common pain.

I ask you, BEG you, REMEMBER!

Not out of bitterness and spite, clinging to hate with un-forgiveness for generations... (I'll be clinging to my God, Guns, and Bibles, so I've no room in my hands for unthoughtful hate).  I don't ask you to remember so we can all wallow in some sense of common feverishness.

Remember!  For our own common good!
For those we lost!
For those who climbed UP!
For how much is yet to be done!
and For what we Continue to Lose!
and For those who come behind us.

May they Remember OUR memories.  May they know Why.  May they know Who.  May they find Strength.  May they look UP!

REMEMBER, AMERICA!!  DON'T FORGET!!

America, LOOK UP!!

Why we do TTWD

My husband and I have always believed in Christian values and that the man was the head of the home.  I for some reason thought I was following that belief and that I was submitting to my husband. I understood the ideaology but not what it looked like. He wanted to lead but in the wake of my defiance didn't know how. Oh, I began our marriage with a submissive attitude and he with that of a leader but it didn't take long before I stopped submitting and he stopped leading.

Around year 7, the year known as a rough year in marriage, we were arguing... A LOT. I was tired of fighting. We went to bed soooo mad at each other. I got up and in my hopeless anger I typed in my computer "my husband..." and before I could even decide what to put in for the last part of that search those little options came up and one of them was "my husband spanked me last night".  Intrigued, I read on and  found a group of people who followed a lifestyle I had never heard of, although deep down it had crossed my mind and I just thought I was nuts. ( I probably was. LoL)  As I read, there in front of me was the evidence that  there were people who didn't even subscribe to my Christian belief system  who were working harder to submit to their husbands than I was. It was a sobering thought. I began to realize that I was so far gone in how I talked to and treated my husband that I didn't even realize that it was disrespectful. And so it began...

It took me a few days but I wrote him a letter about this new tool I had discovered and how I thought it could help us. I am happy to say that he turned me down at first and said that he could never do that to me. I am also sad to say that he got over it and has no problem now turning me over his knee if need be. lol  He hit the point of no return ( no pun intended)  a long time ago because he sees how much momentary pain for me benefits us long term. I guess I have to admit that without it I wouldn't listen as well or be as willing to so look deeply into my behavior. I see the benefit, but don't tell him that.

Is he a perfect leader? Umm No.
Am I a perfect angelic submissive wife? Take a good guess.
 Do we think either of those are  ever going to happen ?  Ummm No. 
Do we have a better balance in our marriage. Yes.
 Do we both think harder about how important our roles are in our marriage? Yes
 Do we keep the little foxes at bay that  would constantly try to destroy us. YES

And there is peace knowing that we aren't giving up and that we will hold each other to very high standards and not give up.

And that's why we do TTWD.

In honor of Lucy

                            In honor of my new name Lucy I decided to watch an episode of "I love Lucy" this morning while munchkin was away at school. Not the best way to spend my free time,but hey it was refreshing to laugh at something on TV that wasn't dirty, and besides I don't have any rules about not watching TV in the middle of the day... yet. LOL

Lucy, as usual has her mind set on something and like a bulldog holds onto it tight. I prefer to call it tenacity in my life.  :-) In this episode Lucy was asked to write about what it's like to be married to Ricky. She calls him her Latin lover in one version and writes a less flattering version in another. She uses it to blackmail him to let her act with him on a show.  Ricky tries to outsmart her but in the end Lucy wins...waaahahaha.  Luckily her "Latin Lover" decided to laugh with her when she made a bit of a fool of him.  I am grateful that no matter how serious it gets we can still laugh together.  Life can be so serious at times that the only thing you can do is laugh at at the absurdity of it all.  To be honest, sometimes I find it absurd that my husband spanks me. He would say that he finds my behavior absurd at times.  So, " in the end ",  we usually end up laughing at it all, although its not usually so funny at first or when I'm over his knee.  I'm so glad my "Latin Lover" who isn't Latin at all has a sense of humor. :-)

Most of the time...

About Us

I'm not Lucy and he's not Ricky but that's who we will go by in this blog. 

We are a couple who have been in a domestic discipline relationship for several  years now.  I am funloving, do goofy things at times without thinking, and take things to heart easily like Lucy. He's definatley got the head of house vibe that Ricky exuberates so easily but balances it with compassion and love for me.  Another reason we chose these characters for ourselves was because I have come to recognize that he can see when I am being unreasonable at times when I really can't, and now with the tools of dd he can call me on it and I am required to listen, one way or another.  Usually, because I am also stubborn, it's "another".   So here we are into year 3 of dd still working on keeping the "little foxes that spoil the vineyards" away.