Tuesday, April 9, 2013


Hey Everyone, I just wanted to say I am sorry that my responces to your comments are all mixed up. I can't seem to get it to attach it to correct responce. I swear I'm not an old lady just new at this blog stuff. Thanks for your comments!

Sunday, March 31, 2013

He's Waking UP...


He surprised me a bit. I didn't see it coming so quickly.  I thought I had more time.

 I think it will be one of the those slow wakes where you fall half asleep again, but really you know what is going on around you, even if your spouse thinks you are still asleep.

Let's just say it all began in the bedroom and he handled me quite effectively. He had me captivated.

In daily life my first natural  response to being overwhelmed is anger. Well probably fear, masked in anger. I hate having to make every little decision, even if they are small. Well,  he had the perfect remedy to that.

I didn't make any decisions in the bedroom last night and it was wonderible... It was wonderful to have no control and to not have to make any decisions, it was terrible to have no control and to not  have to make any decisions... even with my own body.

 It was freeing.

Somewhere in the funishment...he spanked me. It hurts more now because I am not used to it anymore. It had been so long I started to feel it was a dumb thing to do and an even dumber way to live life and marriage. Then, somehow it all felt "normal" again and I hate this but my brain turned against me.  My brain involuntarily starts to recall all the rules I have been breaking and I felt guilty and compelled to confess.

He told me he would tear my ass up if I ever put a whole in the wall. DULY NOTED ( I had kicked it once...when no one was around... I know I know. dumb)  I was like JEEEEEZ. "Do you want me to sugar coat it, he said?" Noooo, "ok then".

By the time he was done handling me... he was worn out...so was I, in a good way. ( That"s all you need to know.lol)

He said he will take care of those things I told him about tomorrow. Seems he is waking up and pretty soon he will be wide awake and I know at least one of us will be wide eyed.


Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Scott FREE


I'm not sure who Scott is but if he got away with as much as I am he was a lucky man! lol

No really, overall I have improved quite a bit, I'm practically an angel.

I am in more control of myself but the mistakes I make are less out of emotional reactions than they are choices. I think that may be worse.

We have had so many transitions that he hasn't had time to notice or give consequences.  Honestly, I think I may be too tired to receive them.

I used to get in trouble all the time and he was really on top of things. I think I am even too busy to get in as much trouble.

There is definitely a part of me that misses the constant accountability and there is definitely a part of me that is sighing relief because... my backside knows it would be a goner if DH has seen some of my mistakes.

Last night I actually yelled out to him in less than cordial way to tell him his sister was waiting on him when he was talking to the neighbor. eeek I couldn't believe I did that .  I felt embarrassed for him that his sister had waited an hour to see him and she needed to leave, when i look outside he isn't in his truck. (Where the HECK is he?)  So instead of just him being rude I had to add to it and yell out for him while he was talking to his neighbor ( YOUR SISTER IS WAITING FOR YOU!). I suddenly felt stupid and now I was the one who embarrassed myself. The neighbor must think I am a handful. UG

The surprising part is he didn't seem to notice or say a word. That is one LUCKY BUTT I have. LOL

I  think  he is letting things slide because he sees how hard I am working too amidst all the craziness. I see how hard he is working too and really am trying to be supportive.

I do know however, that this so called "FREE" vacation sent to me by compliments of "ScottFree Incorporated" will eventually send me a bill. You know... those vacation packages you "WIN" and then they harass you on the phone and eventually tell you that it does cost something.  Those unfortunate souls (not me) who actually go to claim their "prize" end up listening to some really long spiel about how you can get a time share... blah blah blah.  The BILL is coming... but for now its seems like I am ScottFree.

Friday, March 22, 2013

Talk to the Hand


Life has had us totally MIA from this blog.  So Sorry. Luckily, a lot of it has been good things. We were in the thick of the hunt for a new job for Ricky and in the middle of creating a small business for me. He got the job and is even busier now. My new venture is making great progress as well. In the midst of these transitions I have seen my husband become the strong and kind leader at work as he is at home. Perhaps learning how to handle me has in part given him the confidence to be a good leader at work too. LOL YES... I always knew my misdeeds would be used for good. Wahahaha (maniacal laugh)  No really, a man that is built up at home and accepted as leader is far more likely to be a good leader at work than a husband who is beat down at walked all over at home.

Ok so as far as the title I would never  tell my husband to talk to the hand... unless we were joking. I have been learning however that there are times when it is necessary to have a "talk to the hand" kind of attitude when other outside forces are trying to speak into your life and marriage. Especially, when perhaps unknowingly they try to take the place of a husband role. Often it comes from family as heartfelt concern thinking they know what is best for you and your family, but the only Umbrella I need to be under is my husband's.

A few months ago ( before the new job) I had spent some really great time with my sister. After she left she decided to open up about how she really feels in the name of "being open and honest". I had told her that I wouldn't go to a particular person's house because it is a hoarder type house and she said that she thought my house was messy. Apparently the glue on the shower frame that was old bothered her and she thought it was mold. Granted I am not a perfect house keeper, we look like we live in it but I am not a slob either and I had worked really hard to make the house extra clean for her. She went on to say that if she visited she wouldn't stay in my home again because she was afraid of mold. She said she  was really concerned about us and our lack of finances and that she wanted us to have more and was concerned about our safety.  I could see she was just concerned about us but I of course was hurt. I did decide to check in with a few friends who would be honest with me on the state of my house and none of them affirmed what my sister said. This was her problem not mine. I needed to remember that though she had concerns that she was not leader or protector of this home.

The level that my own husband wants the house kept at is how God expects me to obey, not the level of anyone else's home whether it is tidier or messier. I only need to please my husband.

Through process, prayer, and providential friends I learned a few things.

The only safety umbrella I need to be under is my husband's. Its his job to care for our family and if I feel unsafe in any manner I should tell him and expect that he would do everything he could to make us feel safe.  It's not my sister's job or anyone else's to decide what is the best and safest environment for our family.  It is the job of my spiritual leader.


"Tightening belt" so to speak (eek)
 Everyone has their own trials to overcome. Finances have been ours.  I learned to be very thrifty and resourceful because of our circumstances. We have our own home, food, clothes, and our kid is even in private school. We have a lot but times have still been hard and there have been some areas lacking.  This has generated fear in some of my family. I learned that God has given me the grace to handle this but not necessarily the same grace to others.  There are things that I have seen others go through that I cant even imagine being able to go through. THIS IS because they have been given grace for their own trials... not to mine. So sometimes I need to use wisdom on who I share my struggles with because while I can whine and have confidence that God will pull us through all at the same time, they may hear my frustrations and become very fearful for me.

Our situation is exactly where God has allowed us to be. He cares about our character much more than he cares about our circumstance.  I will say I have much more compassion for those who struggle to find work and those who are underemployed as we have had such a hard time these last 5 years. I am sooo glad it is getting better and he has a new job but now we can make the most of it!

I am a classic INFP.  I internalize deeply. I need to be careful how much weight I put to other people's criticisms.

"Don't take offense for others"  A friend of mine gave me new insight to one of the meanings of this phrase.  Have you ever seen someone go through something with such grace that it just amazed you? I have, and recently too. I don't have the gifting or grace that someone else may have to be able to go through what they are going through. I shouldn't take offense up with God for allowing them to have the trial.  For that matter my family or friends don't need to be offended because of my current circumstance...what they  don't know is that even in the middle of all the financial stress... I am happy.

I am happy with the umbrella I live under