One big joke

Ok, so I like to laugh, but before you think this is one big joke to us let me tell you IT IS NOT.  While I have the ability to laugh at myself (and him) we take this very seriously. We are in such a different place than we were 3 years ago, but still have a looong way to go.  Honestly, I think it's more about the journey than arriving. I am glad I have a husband who full well knows that I will likely always struggle with certain things  FOREVER but doesn't mind the work of helping me keep them at bay anyways.  I mean we are who we are right? BUT that doesn't mean we just give into our tendencies and let them take over. I could just say I am easily stressed out but really I need to learn to handle the stress I feel and evaluate things differently. Somehow being over my husbands knee affords me that luxury of being able to see things differently. LOL

In the beginning of all this, I used to get spanked nearly everyday! With a baby who had sleeping issues, I was very sleep deprived with a very short circuit. I had a hard time controlling myself but through dd my husband helped me to see I could control more than I thought I could, even in a difficult time in my life.  It truly kept me from going overboard and not becoming someone that scared even me.

We've had ups and downs with this TTWD but even my best friend said that she has never seen anyone more consistent than my husband. (LUCKY ME) Or maybe I am just really consistent in my misbehavior. Hmmm ...Whatever, go away nasty thought...

Well, I am not sure when it happened but I don't get in trouble everyday anymore! Big props to me right?!LOL  I would say it's once a week to every two weeks, oh yay I'm practically angelic now. LOL

Happiness is... Ricky knowing he can do something to stop the madness, and I can relax that I'm not alone and he won't let me spin out of control. The knowledge of that alone can calm a girl down. I think it goes back to a fear of being out of control like mother was, no one could stop her.  I want to let people speak into my life, and who is better to do that than the closest person to me in the whole world who loves me more than anyone.

Sounds pretty great right? Well before it sounds too lofty you should know that we had the biggest argument last weekend... NOBODY WON. We both lost and nearly quit dd. There was so much emotion wrapped up in it I barely remember how it started.  We were both back to our old ways.  I screamed and lost my loving mind and he shut down and shut me out. Neither one of us liked it.  Somewhere in there he tried spanking me but I wouldnt' accept it and we were at another impasse.

Life morphs and does twisty turns and before we even know it, we've changed.  Somehow we managed to go to the Lake the next day and just have fun together, we talked things out like civilized people, and noted that dd took a few turns of its own and we needed to re-evaluate how we were using this tool. So we are back on track and I was back in the closet last night. :-(  It could have been worse, but he made his point that respect is required. Perhaps my son will get a proper example of what respect looks like after all.

I don't doubt my dh will do everything he can to assure it.

Just so ya know he doesn't just work on me.  I read him Stormy's post on distancing and he applied it to himself and actually asked me to write him a list of 5 ways he does that.  "YES, SIR.. I will obey that immediately SIR."

 I was so encouraged that he could see inside himself too and wants to improve in his communication to me too. I won't be taking him to the closet because that's not exactly how it works around here, but hey I will take what I can get. :-)

So for today, Peace reigns.