Our Story - From My Perspective (Part 1)

So I'm plodding along through post-modern life, when suddenly my wife blows up everything with a simple suggestion:

SPANK ME!  Please. ( her 3 pages condensed down to man-speak!)

     It seems that many of the stories we've read in the dd community share that common thread; that the wife has made the initial suggestion (and that the man became adept for quicker than she thought!  But we'll get to that in Part 2! ;-)


     After being married somewhere in the neighborhood of 7 years, having lots of ups and downs, we were beginning to experience some real crisis moments.  With frequency.  And intensity.  Mind you, we had plenty of wonderful times, with shared experiences we'll cherish forever.  But it felt like the distance between the rock and the hard place continued to shrink, leaving us both with no room to find solutions.

     I remember, after a particularly difficult evening shouting match, I went to bed utterly hopeless.  I suspect Lucy did as well.  Although I wouldn't know because we were precisely one million miles apart as we laid in bed.  As I laid there with my eyes closed, the walls of darkness were literally closing me in, and I couldn't shake the thought that nothing would ever get better, so I needed to get used to it.

     And then the next day, after nearly our biggest fight ever (there WAS one bigger, but we'll save that one for another time), she was particularly sweet, responsive, and attentive that evening.  Then when we headed to bed, only a half-million miles apart, she apologized.  For being disrespectful.  Not just for the previous evening, but ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE BEGINNING.  I cried. I laid there in the dark, sobbing tears of relief and confusion.  Did she mean it? Was this going to change everything?  Could I finally let down my guard a little?  DARE I HOPE?  Oh....CRAP....this means I have to face my own shortcomings if this is going to lead to resolution.

     Before you think "he thought it was all HER fault, and he was glad she finally realized it..." I'll just dispel that myth.  The previous evening was BY NO MEANS entirely her fault.  I was present in the room.  Well, sort of.  Perhaps that porch light was on...

     You see, again echoing so many others' stories on TTWD Boulevard, I had grown passive (/aggressive), non-present, and in near permanent "retreat mode."  Not surrender, but retreat.  That's worse than surrender.  Because it's quiet, and it lives on, to fight another day.  Seven or so years of increasing wrong-headedness was pushing me FAR away from how masculinity was designed.  Of course, I'm FULL of excuses of how this was all her fault.  However, that only serves to prove the very point (not taking responsibility).

     So that second evening she apologized, and the wheels started spinning.  Then the next day she presents with "the suggestion."  Actually, it was more of a request.  Not a demand, lol!  But she meant it.  So by the third day, I'm walking around work barely able to inhibit my subconscious from shouting "MY WIFE ASKED ME TO SPANK HER!!!!   WHAT THE *$@( DO I DO?????"  I had to function, walk, talk, focus, do math, calculate, pay attention to details, measure, perform... AND NOT SAY A WORD while I pondered... she wants me to spank her.  You know I WANT to Lord!  But what'll happen?  Will it actually  help?  What if someone finds out? Is she going to want this all the time? (little did I know! LOL!)

     I remember thinking (much to Lucy's dismay) I'm totally capable of doing this, I'm just not sure it's the right/best thing.  But I can sure do it.... and sleep just fine that night!

     Probably the funniest thing to me was asking her how in the world she came up with this idea... and hearing her reply {something to the effect of} "I saw it on google'..."  I nearly fell off the chair laughing, my mind filled with all the wild & wacky search results she must have gotten!

     Needless to say, we had our first session... and the rest is history!

Until Part 2....!