Friday, March 22, 2013

Talk to the Hand

Life has had us totally MIA from this blog.  So Sorry. Luckily, a lot of it has been good things. We were in the thick of the hunt for a new job for Ricky and in the middle of creating a small business for me. He got the job and is even busier now. My new venture is making great progress as well. In the midst of these transitions I have seen my husband become the strong and kind leader at work as he is at home. Perhaps learning how to handle me has in part given him the confidence to be a good leader at work too. LOL YES... I always knew my misdeeds would be used for good. Wahahaha (maniacal laugh)  No really, a man that is built up at home and accepted as leader is far more likely to be a good leader at work than a husband who is beat down at walked all over at home.

Ok so as far as the title I would never  tell my husband to talk to the hand... unless we were joking. I have been learning however that there are times when it is necessary to have a "talk to the hand" kind of attitude when other outside forces are trying to speak into your life and marriage. Especially, when perhaps unknowingly they try to take the place of a husband role. Often it comes from family as heartfelt concern thinking they know what is best for you and your family, but the only Umbrella I need to be under is my husband's.

A few months ago ( before the new job) I had spent some really great time with my sister. After she left she decided to open up about how she really feels in the name of "being open and honest". I had told her that I wouldn't go to a particular person's house because it is a hoarder type house and she said that she thought my house was messy. Apparently the glue on the shower frame that was old bothered her and she thought it was mold. Granted I am not a perfect house keeper, we look like we live in it but I am not a slob either and I had worked really hard to make the house extra clean for her. She went on to say that if she visited she wouldn't stay in my home again because she was afraid of mold. She said she  was really concerned about us and our lack of finances and that she wanted us to have more and was concerned about our safety.  I could see she was just concerned about us but I of course was hurt. I did decide to check in with a few friends who would be honest with me on the state of my house and none of them affirmed what my sister said. This was her problem not mine. I needed to remember that though she had concerns that she was not leader or protector of this home.

The level that my own husband wants the house kept at is how God expects me to obey, not the level of anyone else's home whether it is tidier or messier. I only need to please my husband.

Through process, prayer, and providential friends I learned a few things.

The only safety umbrella I need to be under is my husband's. Its his job to care for our family and if I feel unsafe in any manner I should tell him and expect that he would do everything he could to make us feel safe.  It's not my sister's job or anyone else's to decide what is the best and safest environment for our family.  It is the job of my spiritual leader.


"Tightening belt" so to speak (eek)
 Everyone has their own trials to overcome. Finances have been ours.  I learned to be very thrifty and resourceful because of our circumstances. We have our own home, food, clothes, and our kid is even in private school. We have a lot but times have still been hard and there have been some areas lacking.  This has generated fear in some of my family. I learned that God has given me the grace to handle this but not necessarily the same grace to others.  There are things that I have seen others go through that I cant even imagine being able to go through. THIS IS because they have been given grace for their own trials... not to mine. So sometimes I need to use wisdom on who I share my struggles with because while I can whine and have confidence that God will pull us through all at the same time, they may hear my frustrations and become very fearful for me.

Our situation is exactly where God has allowed us to be. He cares about our character much more than he cares about our circumstance.  I will say I have much more compassion for those who struggle to find work and those who are underemployed as we have had such a hard time these last 5 years. I am sooo glad it is getting better and he has a new job but now we can make the most of it!

I am a classic INFP.  I internalize deeply. I need to be careful how much weight I put to other people's criticisms.

"Don't take offense for others"  A friend of mine gave me new insight to one of the meanings of this phrase.  Have you ever seen someone go through something with such grace that it just amazed you? I have, and recently too. I don't have the gifting or grace that someone else may have to be able to go through what they are going through. I shouldn't take offense up with God for allowing them to have the trial.  For that matter my family or friends don't need to be offended because of my current circumstance...what they  don't know is that even in the middle of all the financial stress... I am happy.

I am happy with the umbrella I live under


  1. Welcome back Lucy!

    This is a beautiful post and you are so right...The only umbrella you need is Ricky's.

    I had a 'friend' who was very unhappy in her own life but concentrated on poking at everyone else (under the guise of wanting what's best for us) so that she wouldn't have to take a hard look at herself and her life. I finally had to distance myself from her a bit as it got very unpleasant to be around her for long. I am not saying that your sister is like this...her behavior just reminded me of the 'friend'.

    So happy to hear that everything is going well for you!


  2. Yep :-) Don't need ANYONE trying to be the leader of this home.

  3. Thanks for stopping by! I've had to distance myself from a few people myself. Distancing has its purpose!