BLOG CHALLENGED

Hey Everyone, I just wanted to say I am sorry that my responces to your comments are all mixed up. I can't seem to get it to attach it to correct responce. I swear I'm not an old lady just new at this blog stuff. Thanks for your comments!

He's Waking UP...

He surprised me a bit. I didn't see it coming so quickly.  I thought I had more time.

 I think it will be one of the those slow wakes where you fall half asleep again, but really you know what is going on around you, even if your spouse thinks you are still asleep.

Let's just say it all began in the bedroom and he handled me quite effectively. He had me captivated.

In daily life my first natural  response to being overwhelmed is anger. Well probably fear, masked in anger. I hate having to make every little decision, even if they are small. Well,  he had the perfect remedy to that.

I didn't make any decisions in the bedroom last night and it was wonderible... It was wonderful to have no control and to not have to make any decisions, it was terrible to have no control and to not  have to make any decisions... even with my own body.

 It was freeing.


Somewhere in the funishment...he spanked me. It hurts more now because I am not used to it anymore. It had been so long I started to feel it was a dumb thing to do and an even dumber way to live life and marriage. Then, somehow it all felt "normal" again and I hate this but my brain turned against me.  My brain involuntarily starts to recall all the rules I have been breaking and I felt guilty and compelled to confess.
                                                      


He told me he would tear my ass up if I ever put a whole in the wall. DULY NOTED ( I had kicked it once...when no one was around... I know I know. dumb)  I was like JEEEEEZ. "Do you want me to sugar coat it, he said?" Noooo, "ok then".

By the time he was done handling me... he was worn out...so was I, in a good way. ( That"s all you need to know.lol)

He said he will take care of those things I told him about tomorrow. Seems he is waking up and pretty soon he will be wide awake and I know at least one of us will be wide eyed.

                                                         

Scott FREE

I'm not sure who Scott is but if he got away with as much as I am he was a lucky man! lol

No really, overall I have improved quite a bit, I'm practically an angel.

I am in more control of myself but the mistakes I make are less out of emotional reactions than they are choices. I think that may be worse.

We have had so many transitions that he hasn't had time to notice or give consequences.  Honestly, I think I may be too tired to receive them.

I used to get in trouble all the time and he was really on top of things. I think I am even too busy to get in as much trouble.

There is definitely a part of me that misses the constant accountability and there is definitely a part of me that is sighing relief because... my backside knows it would be a goner if DH has seen some of my mistakes.

Last night I actually yelled out to him in less than cordial way to tell him his sister was waiting on him when he was talking to the neighbor. eeek I couldn't believe I did that .  I felt embarrassed for him that his sister had waited an hour to see him and she needed to leave, when i look outside he isn't in his truck. (Where the HECK is he?)  So instead of just him being rude I had to add to it and yell out for him while he was talking to his neighbor ( YOUR SISTER IS WAITING FOR YOU!). I suddenly felt stupid and now I was the one who embarrassed myself. The neighbor must think I am a handful. UG

The surprising part is he didn't seem to notice or say a word. That is one LUCKY BUTT I have. LOL

I  think  he is letting things slide because he sees how hard I am working too amidst all the craziness. I see how hard he is working too and really am trying to be supportive.

I do know however, that this so called "FREE" vacation sent to me by compliments of "ScottFree Incorporated" will eventually send me a bill. You know... those vacation packages you "WIN" and then they harass you on the phone and eventually tell you that it does cost something.  Those unfortunate souls (not me) who actually go to claim their "prize" end up listening to some really long spiel about how you can get a time share... blah blah blah.  The BILL is coming... but for now its seems like I am ScottFree.

Talk to the Hand


Life has had us totally MIA from this blog.  So Sorry. Luckily, a lot of it has been good things. We were in the thick of the hunt for a new job for Ricky and in the middle of creating a small business for me. He got the job and is even busier now. My new venture is making great progress as well. In the midst of these transitions I have seen my husband become the strong and kind leader at work as he is at home. Perhaps learning how to handle me has in part given him the confidence to be a good leader at work too. LOL YES... I always knew my misdeeds would be used for good. Wahahaha (maniacal laugh)  No really, a man that is built up at home and accepted as leader is far more likely to be a good leader at work than a husband who is beat down at walked all over at home.


Ok so as far as the title I would never  tell my husband to talk to the hand... unless we were joking. I have been learning however that there are times when it is necessary to have a "talk to the hand" kind of attitude when other outside forces are trying to speak into your life and marriage. Especially, when perhaps unknowingly they try to take the place of a husband role. Often it comes from family as heartfelt concern thinking they know what is best for you and your family, but the only Umbrella I need to be under is my husband's.

A few months ago ( before the new job) I had spent some really great time with my sister. After she left she decided to open up about how she really feels in the name of "being open and honest". I had told her that I wouldn't go to a particular person's house because it is a hoarder type house and she said that she thought my house was messy. Apparently the glue on the shower frame that was old bothered her and she thought it was mold. Granted I am not a perfect house keeper, we look like we live in it but I am not a slob either and I had worked really hard to make the house extra clean for her. She went on to say that if she visited she wouldn't stay in my home again because she was afraid of mold. She said she  was really concerned about us and our lack of finances and that she wanted us to have more and was concerned about our safety.  I could see she was just concerned about us but I of course was hurt. I did decide to check in with a few friends who would be honest with me on the state of my house and none of them affirmed what my sister said. This was her problem not mine. I needed to remember that though she had concerns that she was not leader or protector of this home.

The level that my own husband wants the house kept at is how God expects me to obey, not the level of anyone else's home whether it is tidier or messier. I only need to please my husband.

Through process, prayer, and providential friends I learned a few things.

The only safety umbrella I need to be under is my husband's. Its his job to care for our family and if I feel unsafe in any manner I should tell him and expect that he would do everything he could to make us feel safe.  It's not my sister's job or anyone else's to decide what is the best and safest environment for our family.  It is the job of my spiritual leader.



 


"Tightening belt" so to speak (eek)

 Everyone has their own trials to overcome. Finances have been ours.  I learned to be very thrifty and resourceful because of our circumstances. We have our own home, food, clothes, and our kid is even in private school. We have a lot but times have still been hard and there have been some areas lacking.  This has generated fear in some of my family. I learned that God has given me the grace to handle this but not necessarily the same grace to others.  There are things that I have seen others go through that I cant even imagine being able to go through. THIS IS because they have been given grace for their own trials... not to mine. So sometimes I need to use wisdom on who I share my struggles with because while I can whine and have confidence that God will pull us through all at the same time, they may hear my frustrations and become very fearful for me.

Our situation is exactly where God has allowed us to be. He cares about our character much more than he cares about our circumstance.  I will say I have much more compassion for those who struggle to find work and those who are underemployed as we have had such a hard time these last 5 years. I am sooo glad it is getting better and he has a new job but now we can make the most of it!

I am a classic INFP.  I internalize deeply. I need to be careful how much weight I put to other people's criticisms.

"Don't take offense for others"  A friend of mine gave me new insight to one of the meanings of this phrase.  Have you ever seen someone go through something with such grace that it just amazed you? I have, and recently too. I don't have the gifting or grace that someone else may have to be able to go through what they are going through. I shouldn't take offense up with God for allowing them to have the trial.  For that matter my family or friends don't need to be offended because of my current circumstance...what they  don't know is that even in the middle of all the financial stress... I am happy.

I am happy with the umbrella I live under
                                                              .

Sticky Sweet

My husband decided to address a few things that have been bothering him and laid down the law so to speak. In theory I agree with what he said... "Be respectful, don't demean or disrespect him especially in front of our kid, and don't be demanding. Of course I agree with that!  Obviously...duh.  No I didn't actually say that.

He told me that he expected me to have a sweet tone especially when addressing him in front of or at the same time as kiddo AND he would be watching it closely. The problem came when he started giving examples that I didn't agree with...I don't know... I just find it hard to give in when he is listing examples of my "misdeeds", even when I know I am already getting spanked or even that it's true. I tend to want to justify my behavior off of his behavior. He decided to tenderize me a bit first then try speaking to me again.  I guess I listened a little better. Then he finished up on my backside to let me know he meant it.

So the sweetness test came early this morning. We all got up late which meant I had to get kiddo ready really fast. My little one was pretty easy and I put a lunch and breakfast together for DH so he could get out the door quick too. In fact I was kind of proud of myself for getting all this done in 20 minutes. I quickly became annoyed though when I realized that DH was on computer not doing anything super important. It seems they are always late and last year he liked to blame it on me. So I decided this year it wasn't going to be my fault if they were late. I have done a really great job of helping everyone get ready in the morning. So out saunters my husband and proclaims its time to go. I think the sweet Lucy just went out the door to go get donuts.  He asks me where kiddo is and I reply oh so slightly surly " back there somewhere". I surely didn't glare at him! Nope not me. He had started to go after the munchkin who was searching for an after school toy for mommy to bring in the car but instead came right back to me and told me to try again. I know, I know, I should have given in and been sweet but its just so hard early in the morning! I just couldn't. Sweet words could not exit my lips. I need some kind of Stormy clause...I don't have to be sweet until they have left the house for the morning! LOL  He basically got the same song different verse version of " kid is back there somewhere". He gave me the look and I know I am sunk. The thing is ... I used to be so sweet. LOL What happened.

Well after my two guys actually left the building it started to sink in.Our sermon from Sunday came to mind.
Bitterness deprives, Anxiety distracts, and Resentment opens the door to larger, uglier things. If we don't put away resentment and refuse those feelings then they can turn to Hatred and Malice... the big guns. Aw shoot. I was being resentful at my husband. The husband who works hard at his job that he hates everyday so I can stay home and be with our kid. I guess its not so much for me to help him get ready when he does so much for us. I shouldn't resent him because we both do things for each other.
 Now SurlyMe is mad at SweetMe for remembering this truth.

  Go away Sweetme because Surlyme wants to be mad. Shoot I can't. It's a sticky business but Sweetme wins... this time.

I know many of my readers may not have Christian beliefs but I'm going to tell you what I intend to do as a stone of remembrance for me ...I'm going to ask God to help me put my resentment away, make a choice to refuse my resentful feelings, forgive him for not using his time wisely( I NEVER DO THAT), and do something good to him. Perhaps I will choose to happily do the same thing for him tomorrow and not get mad next time about serving my husband. We'll see how that goes in the morning. LOL  That was so sweet it was sickening...don't worry SurlyMe will probably be back before nightfall. This being mortal thing is sticky sweet. 

I think I'll be so sweet he won't want another bite!

Mile Markers

I meant to post this a LONG time ago and forgot I even wrote it. Here ya go.

We've had a few mile markers of our own concerning the dd lifestyle but that is not what this post is about.

My son turned 5 and we gave him a Lorax party, it was great fun. We had truffula trees, lorax cake, and even little barbaloots. ;-)

 We have been stressed to the max with life and bills etc etc. but we just put a pause on all that and decided to enjoy the little guy God gave us. We had loads of fun. My neck went bad on me and I wasn't able to do all the things I wanted to do with him, like jump on the bouncy house but the sound of laughter from the little guy and his dad covered over that. It really is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear.

We think 5  years old is a real mile marker for a little guy and treated it as such. He really is a good little boy and we wanted him to know it. Daddy made him a bow and arrow out of PVC pipe. Don't worry, it was decked out in the way it should be for a little guy with twine instead of wire and dull tips. We will also keep the arrows locked up with us and he can only use the bow with daddy. The really cool part was when DH sat him down and told him how proud we are of him and how he is getting bigger with more responsibilities and more privileges. Then he talked about how things used to be and that he would first be a lad.. then a squire...then a knight. OR something like that.... lol


So now he was a lad and he would get to learn to use a bow with daddy. The proud and excited look in his face was something to behold. He really listened to all the instructions as DH taught him to use it. I think he will  never forget his party and those special moments he had with us.

 It's good to stop and enjoy the blessings we already have.

Fixing Fences

A few weeks ago my husband got bit by our neighbor's dog. No stitches but a pretty deep chomp. The dogs had been loose off n on over the last 2 years. They said they would fix the fence but they seemed to always get out. One dog was big but a typically kind breed and the other one was a small yappy dog. There have been many days where the dogs were out that I would  to drive to the mail box with kiddo to make sure we were safe. Inside my head was this nagging voice that I was being overprotective and that the dogs were fine and would leave us alone, luckily I listened to me.

So One Fine saturDay, we set out to clean all our crap out of the garage so we won't turn into the hoarders you see on TV or with a big bill at a storage unit to store STUFF.

 All I know is the paddles would be first to go in there... in the very back. LOL

Anywho, the little dog came over and he is the one I usually worry about since he has such an attitude and doesn't go home when you yell at him. So Ricky wanting to be able to work in our own front driveway with our son  shooed him back to his yard and rang doorbell and backed up. Then the owner opened the door and up came Cujo from his spot in the front yard.

 Ricky thought he would stop if he yelled at him but he just came full force and knocked him over. My DH was punching him in the head and doing anything he could do to get him off of himself even while the owner was trying to pull him off. I missed all of this. I still feel bad that I heard a dog bark and didn't think much of it and my poor DH was trying to fend off this dog.

The owner took the dog to quarantine right away. We went to ER and got DH a Tetanus shot ( I tried to get the doc to give it to him in the butt...lol jk). Crazy dog days.

We have a neighbor of good will but was just negligent on their fence. She was very ready to pay for the bills and do what she should. In the end she was crying and very sorry and was frustrated that she couldn't keep her dogs in. She was so afraid that everyone on our street would hate her. We told her we didn't hate her and were glad that she was so quick to take care of things.  We were also sorry she and her kids had to lose her dog. Turns out the dog has had other problems chasing kids in neighborhood. Guess my motherly intuition was right. I feel sick every time I think that it could have been my kid or some other small kid on our street. I am sorry for my DH but very grateful it was him instead of a child. She also shared with us that she is in the middle of a divorce which could explain the lack of fence repairs. She and her almost x both seemed like great people and I was sad for them.  We may just make a friend out of this and be able to be a friend to her.

 I have had minimal consequences the last few months due to so many unforeseen reasons...like dog bites. Seems our own fences are breaking down a bit, a hole here and there. Just small enough to make you think everything is ok...that's when disaster comes.  Ricky is ready to fix the fence and "board it up".  I think when my little yappy dog got out last night and disrespected him in front of our 5 year old he decided it was time to do a few home repairs.

 So tonight I expect we will mend a few fences.

 He's the only wood worker around here.

 Aaaah, oh well, I guess it's better to repair the small holes rather than have the whole fence break down and let the big dogs out.

Sooo not me, but funny. :-)